The Diary Of Pamela D. Read online

  And Theo- he hadn’t once left her side since this business began. He was at once concerned and solicitous, if that was the right word. She sighed, inwardly. But he was still treating her like a child.

  She kicked herself mentally for thinking that. At least now she had his undivided attention. Why couldn’t she be satisfied and just leave it at that? Unfortunately, she had the answer for that one ready at hand. She couldn’t be satisfied because it wasn’t the sort of attention she wanted from him. At the same time she began to suspect that perhaps Tessa might be right; that once she and Theo were married, he would be able to let his guard down. Perhaps he needed to distance himself in order to keep his passions at bay. But was that possible? Was he waiting for the day when they would share themselves as man and wife?

  She ventured a glance at him and found that he was watching her speculatively, and for a moment she had the uncomfortable feeling that she had spoken out loud, or- even worse!- that he could read her thoughts! He gave her one of the small, enigmatic smiles he had taken to giving her lately. Then, he kissed her.

  Her arms quickly encircled his neck, as though possessed of a volition all their own. All too soon, however, they parted, she breathless, he with an unmistakable smile lurking in his eyes.

  ‘Theo, sit down and stop tormenting the poor girl!’ his mother said, buttering a piece of toast. ‘And you, young lady! If you don’t stop looking like that, you’re going to hurt yourself.’

  ‘It takes a one to know a one, Mother,’ Theo drawled, causing Mrs. Dewhurst to look up at him in perplexity.

  ‘If you don’t mind your manners, Theo, I’m going to . . . well, when I think of something, you’ll definitely be the first to know.’

  To Pamela’s incomprehension, Mrs. Dewhurst was blushing. Catching Pamela’s eye, she mouthed, ‘Don’t even ask.’ Pamela began eating her breakfast, thoughtfully, wondering what was going on. Until she noticed the look that passed between Inspector Matthews and Mrs. Dewhurst. She didn’t realize she was staring until Theo gave her hand a little squeeze. To her lasting surprise, when she looked up, he was grinning broadly, but he erased his smile as quickly, putting a finger to his lips.

  You utter fraud! she thought, having finally gotten a look behind his mask.

  And yet, for some reason, she still wasn’t entirely sure of what she’d seen, or what she’d learned about him.

  The following day, she, Tessa and Fred went to the Crown Tavern to check on how the work was progressing. Theo had been right: the entire wall was less than stable. The masons had to literally take it apart, stone by stone, and reassemble it. But the work was nearing completion and already business was brisk, despite the renovations that were taking place.

  The transformation was miraculous, though she had only made subtle structural changes and removed a fair bit of bric-a-brac. But allowing the light of day in, while making the place seem accessible to passers by, had altered the atmosphere of the place so dramatically that it seemed wholly different.

  The number of staff had tripled as well, and she had been careful to hire a mixture of people, blending youth with experience, crustiness with humour, acid wit with kindness.

  ‘The menu’s got me kind of flummoxed,’ she candidly admitted to the barkeep. ‘I’d like to make a few changes but I get the impression that it’s not the food that’s the problem. Like, it’s the preparation, or something. I just wish I knew more about it.’

  An older woman with a voice like brass, who had once been a regular and had recently been attracted back, cut in and said, ‘I’ll tell you exactly what the problem is, young lady. It’s Gladys, the cook. I know, because she’s my sister. She was a good waitress but when Daphne quit she was called upon to run the kitchen, and there she has remained ever since. Gladys has never been able to cook to save her life.’

  ‘I see,’ Pamela said tactfully. ‘Well, thank you. I’ll certainly talk to Gladys about it.’

  The story she got from Gladys, however, so matched the one she had got from her sister at the bar that Pamela was prompted to ask, ‘Would you like to go back to waitressing?’

  ‘No need to even ask,’ Gladys said without hesitation. ‘I hate being cooped up in that kitchen all day.’

  Pamela took a deep breath, expelled it slowly, puffing her cheeks out.

  ‘I guess that means I’m going to have to start looking for a new cook.’

  ‘Don’t be daft!’ Gladys said good-naturedly. ‘Just give Daphne a call and ask her to have a look at the way you’ve improved the place. She’ll be back here in a heartbeat. And she’ll bring all her regulars here to boot.’

  Afterwards, Pamela, Tessa and Fred sat down to lunch. Pamela dictated to Tessa for a few minutes, then went over the notes with her to make sure nothing had been forgotten. In the middle of this Pamela noticed a fairly tall woman enter the bar. She was blonde and striking, though dressed just a little ostentatiously, wearing Italian sunglasses, spiked heels, leopard-patterned fake-fur jacket, emerald-green blouse and leather skirt. But that wasn’t what had Pamela’s attention. She recognised the woman immediately as Theo’s ex-girlfriend. And she had Pamela pointed out to her by the barkeep and was walking straight towards her.

  Extending her hand, the woman said, ‘I understand you’re the girl who’s marrying Theo.’

  Pamela shook the proffered hand, wondering if she should expect trouble. The woman, giving no indication of her intent, smiled, removed her sunglasses, and sat down without being invited.

  ‘Not to worry, luv. I can’t stay for more than a moment or two, but. You know who I am, don’t you?’

  ‘I’ve seen your picture,’ Pamela told her.

  ‘I hope it were one where I had something on,’ the woman said. ‘Any road, I’m glad Theo finally found someone else to make his life miserable. When I heard he was getting hitched, I finally felt like a big weight had been taken off. But I still felt I had to come by, just to take the measure of you. I didn’t realize that Theo was marrying a kiddie, though! How old are you? Seventeen? Eighteen? You’re nowt but a babbie. Never took Theo for a perv, but. Oh well, I can tell you’re just like him- upper-crust, sharp in business, good with the hoi polloi, hardworking . . . no dirt under your fingernails-’

  Biting back on sudden anger, thin-lipped and pale, Pamela said, ‘I grew up on the streets, for your information. Doing business of any sort is entirely new to me. I have always worked hard, and I am no stranger to having dirt under my fingernails. If you’ve come here hoping to ease your conscience or to damage Theo in my eyes, you can forget it. The only thing Theo ever saw in you was a chance to get back at his father. Well, you’re a little late. Henry Dewhurst is long out of the frame. And so are you.’

  Oblivious to the two pairs of eyes that witnessed this exchange with frank admiration, Pamela watched as the woman’s colour drained from her face, saw her haughtiness evaporate.

  ‘Well, well,’ she muttered, rising to her feet, an unmistakable and unwilling note of respect in her voice, ‘Theo’s got himself a real tiger.’ She left, slowly at first, but with growing alacrity, a stifled petulance in the set of her shoulders.

  Fred whistled the moment the woman had left. ‘Remind me to stay on your good side.’

  ‘Ditto,’ Tessa echoed. ‘You were awesome!’

  ‘I’ve never been so rude to anyone before in my life,’ Pamela said, trying unsuccessfully to muster some sense of remorse, however small. ‘I wanted to scratch her eyes out.’

  ‘You may as well have,’ Fred told her. ‘It’s a certainty that she’ll never try to muck with you again . . . unless she’s daft.’

  When their food arrived, it was served by Gladys, who stood watching the three expectantly as they began. Pamela stopped immediately after the first bite of her pastie.

  ‘Gladys! This is fabulous!’

  ‘Don’t thank me,’ she rejoined with a smile. ‘I just spoke to Daphne on the phone. At her insistence she whipped up your order and sent it right over, just to be sure you d
on’t go ahead and change your mind. She wants to start tomorrow- and she wants to speak with you about making some changes.’

  Pamela looked a question.

  ‘She wants you to expand the kitchen, knock out the wall on the right there to take in that old storage room that’s too small to use.’

  Pamela winced, thinking of the cost. The wall would be expensive to remove- it was structurally necessary to the building. But, doing some quick mental arithmetic, she quickly grasped how little time it would take for the pub to recoup the loss.

  ‘Tell Daphne she’s got it,’ Pamela said. ‘And tell her for me that if she has any other suggestions to just leave them with me, and they’ll be put into action just as soon as I can get to them.’

  Gladys beamed a smile at her and went back to the kitchen with a spring in her step, secure in the knowledge that it would be her last time.

  ‘You’re acting like a Mrs. Dewhurst already,’ Tessa told her. ‘Shall I start making some calls about the wall?’

  Tessa’s comment reacted on Pamela like cold water. ‘Sure,’ she replied, feeling a mixture of anticipation and fear. In only one more week, she and Theo would be husband and wife.

  And then?

  But her mind still refused to think that far ahead.

  -9-

  Pamela sat at her desk going over the latest figures from the Crown Tavern. The news was unanimously good- there were lineups every noon hour and every evening from seven to ten o’clock. She had added a breakfast menu after having moved opening time from eleven in the morning to six AM- no booze in the early morning, just good food- and the move had paid off, drawing a whole new clientele.

  Theo responded to this news by moving Tessa up to the position of manager-trainee and hiring Pamela a new secretary, a young man named Thomas Woolley, or Tom, as he preferred to be called. He was a good-looking, competent young man who loved his work and was easy to get along with. He was also experienced and knowledgeable, especially when it came to high-tech modern gadgetry and finding innovative ways to cross-reference inter-company business to eliminate redundancies, share costs, and produce items within the overall structure, in turn selling its own products to itself- at cost. This information he had gleaned while working at a large firm. He had learned well, and should have moved up the corporate ladder, but for the incompetence of his superiors who laid him off to save their own skins. Pamela expected from the beginning that he would pass her fairly quickly and end up contributing far more than she ever could, but in the meantime she was determined to learn everything and anything she could from him and apply it to the workings of the Dewhurst businesses and estates.

  Pamela herself was moved on to the management of one of the Dewhurst estates and was currently looking over the options. To subdivide or to preserve? To renovate or to demolish? To turn into yet another quaint bed-and-breakfast or hope for an elusive bolt from the blue that would inspire her to turn it into something that would preserve the character of the old estate and its buildings without Disneyfying local history?

  It would be easier if she could just keep her mind on things. But with the wedding only days away now she was becoming perpetually jumpy. It was the uncertainty that had her stomach turning over in knots. Did Theo love her? He had certainly shown flashes of caring, he had now kissed her a number of times, and she very much enjoyed their quiet time together late at night in the upstairs sitting room. But what if things didn’t improve after they were married? What if he was being nicer than he would after they were married? What if he really did see her as more of an asset than a potential lover? And as to that-

  Pamela found the very prospect of their wedding night to be the most frightening aspect of all. All the holding and cuddling would be gone right along with their bedclothes! The very thought of lying in bed with Theo, both of them naked, caused her heart to pound uncontrollably with fear. True, she was curious. True, there were carnal feelings lurking traitorously in her nether regions, often tormenting her with the anticipation of shared mutual pleasure and desire. And true, she was helplessly, hopelessly in love with Theo, and wanted to please him in every way.

  But doubt lurked like a shadow behind every hope and promise of love and warmth. Doubt dogged her feelings and clouded her mind in areas where she had every reason to be utterly certain. And doubt smiled its chilling smile from the background of her thoughts, haunting her subconscious and her dreams, watched her every movement from its vantage in the forest, and waited with inhuman patience and vigilance for the opportunity to strike.

  Such thoughts were pushed aside for the moment when Tessa entered the office- formerly Theo’s exclusive domain. Pamela and Tessa had set up a little office in Tessa’s room as well, and she worked there now most of the time when she wasn’t overseeing things at the Crown Tavern.

  ‘Okay, so I got most of the payroll done,’ Tessa was saying, ‘but it’s this tax thing with the overtime that’s giving me a headache.’

  ‘Yuck! Tom?’ Pamela called, sweetly, ‘I believe this is your department.’

  Which wasn’t altogether true. Taxation was something Pamela had learned all about while working for Father Mugford at the Catholic Mission. The truth be known, she thought there might be something developing between Tom and Tessa, and so she discreetly nudged things along. Tom was just the sort of man, she thought, who would take proper care of her best friend. What settled things for her was the way he had dealt with David Priestly, Tessa’s former boyfriend and father of her unborn baby, a few days before. David had demanded to see Tessa, telling her that all was forgiven. He would pay for the abortion himself, he had said.

  Tessa had gone white at that.

  ‘I think you’d better leave, Davie. I’ve done nothing that needs forgiving. And I’ll not murder my unborn child just to appease you.’

  ‘You’ll do what I tell you, you little cow!’ he said, moving menacingly towards her.

  Tom, who had made it his business to be near at hand, closed the gap and headed off David Priestly before he could lay a hand on Tessa.

  ‘Oh, and who’s this? You been getting shagged by every buck that comes along, haven’t you, you cheap little tart!’ He tried pushing his way past Tom who was as unmovable as a menhir.

  ‘Sod off, ya prick! That’s my old lady-’

  ‘You gave up any right to so much as speak to Tessa when you turned your back on her,’ Tom told him in a quiet but dangerous voice. ‘And you gave up any right to be treated like a man when you beat her up, kicked her out of your car in the middle of nowhere, and abandoned her to her fate. Now, I’m just going to give you one more chance to leave this house with dignity. If you don’t take it, then I’ll take you apart.’

  ‘Sod you!’

  David struck Tom with all the force he could muster, causing his head to snap to one side. But watching Tom’s head turn back to face David was as fearful a motion as watching the gun of a tank-turret swivel and come to bear on its target.

  ‘Since there are women present, I am going to afford you the luxury of counting to three. If you’re stupid enough to still be here when I’m done, I’ll snap your head off like a chicken and impale it on a stake as a warning to anyone else like you who’s stupid enough to get up my nose.’

  At that point David proved that he hadn’t the least bit of sense. He drew back his fist once more- but just as a quiet voice from behind caused him to snatch it back to his side.

  ‘Hello, Davie. Haven’t nicked you for a while. ‘Til today, that is.’

  ‘I done nowt!’ David protested as Chief Inspector Matthews clamped a massive hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Story of your life, isn’t it Davie,’ the Inspector said, propelling David from the room, then from the house.

  Pamela had wisely beat a hasty retreat, ostensibly to let Tessa tend to the tiny cut on Tom’s lip. She sighed, now, replaying the incident in her mind. If only things between herself and Theo could be as straightforward! But instead she found that as the day of their weddin
g drew closer, so did her level of frustration.

  An old habit saved her then, but she found herself forced to take a good long look at her old habit of not looking any further ahead than the moment. In the past she had relied on that habit as a substitute for hope. Now, however, it seemed out of place, an anachronism from her former life. Instead of preserving her, she saw that it could very well be leading her into a trap.

  She found herself for the first time in her life willing herself to look ahead, daring to blindly trust in the hope that everything would turn out. And in that moment, she discovered something she thought she had known all along, though looking back she could see that she had never known it at all.

  It was faith. Not a churchy faith or the born-again variety, or the kind of capital “F” faith that wild-eyed fanatics liked to beat people over the heads with as though desperate to convince others of their own piety, but something simple, innocent, down-to-earth, without a lot of dreck being read into it.

  Gone were the days when all the church meant to her was a meal and security- this had been replaced by a solid sense of family and tradition. And in the same breath, gone, too, was the awkward, lonely young woman who had survived despite impossible odds and come out of life’s worst trials and nightmares miraculously unscathed. At that moment she knew that there was a reason she had been spared, that she had endured, and though she was still groping around in the dark, blindly learning to live out the promise of her life, in that moment she knew that she had kept that promise as pure and unsullied as the day on which she was born.

  To her own inner turmoil, she said, ‘Go ahead and doubt. Go ahead and fear. Go ahead and try to confuse me with the words of demons like Albert Askrigg and the smoke and mirrors of my own timid imaginings. But I am going to marry Theo Dewhurst, and be his wife, and bear his children, and as God is my witness, love and nothing else is going to rule my life.’