The Diary Of Pamela D. Read online

  The old mansion was in a constant state of uproar as the day of the wedding drew near. Guests began to arrive, relatives of the Dewhursts and the household staff. Soon its sixteen rooms were full, as they hadn’t been for many a year. Even the old guest house, which for the past two decades had been used for storage, was cleared out, cleaned, refurbished and painted.

  Though overwhelmed by all the attention, Pamela found herself able to manage somehow, due in part, no doubt, to her experience gained in managing the Crown Tavern. Theo, as yet, gave no sign of the change she hoped to see in him, yet there were unmistakable hints that change was in the air, or at least she believed so.

  The police presence was stepped up so that constables patrolled the surrounding wood incessantly. Pamela was struck by an odd impression which she found herself unable to dismiss. The police seemed to be waiting- no, they were expecting something to happen. She realized that certain matters were being kept from her, that the police were planning something big.

  The day before the wedding, she said to Theo, ‘What are they getting set for? Are they expecting Albert Askrigg to come out of the woods leading an army and lay siege?’

  In that instant, she finally saw Theo’s mask for what it was. At the mention of Albert Askrigg’s name his features seemed to harden into stone, belying nothing, unbroachable as the cliffs of Gibraltar. With a feeling like joy, despite Theo’s reaction, she realized that the perceived problem in their relationship, the distance between them, was not what it appeared to be. Theo was worried about her! Worried sick. And he was trying not to let his feelings affect her, to spoil what should be the happiest day of her life.

  New understanding opened her eyes and gave her the confidence to do something she had never done before. She went to him, put her arms around him and pressed herself to his chest.

  ‘I love you, Theo.’

  She stepped back from him when she felt him stiffen. But only for a moment, for his eyes were filled with surprise, and with the love she so desperately wanted to believe had been there all along. Swallowing hard, staring at her as though uncertain she were real, he said, touching her cheek, ‘I loved you from the moment mother threatened to disown me. She meant it, too, you know,’ he added with a small smile. ‘But we’re not out of the woods yet. You know, then, that the police are getting ready for whatever it is that Albert Askrigg has got planned.’

  She nodded. ‘I guessed as much.’

  He frowned. ‘You don’t seem very much afraid.’

  ‘I’m afraid,’ she told him. ‘But I have learned that there are some things stronger than fear.’

  ‘Life isn’t one of them,’ he said meaningly, bringing home to her once again the implicit threat of violence that Albert Askrigg embodied.

  ‘Pamela! Pamela Dee! You’re needed!’ It was Tessa calling and waving to her excitedly from her balcony.

  ‘My maid of honour beckons, Sir,’ she said demurely. ‘Methinks it concerns my wedding gown.’

  He shook his head ruefully and smiled. ‘I still can’t believe you went ahead and called that rental company! Your frugal nature shouldn’t include your marriage.’

  She made a face. ‘Theo Dewhurst, if you think I’m going to waste good money on something I’m going to wear only once in my life, then think again!’

  He put up his hands in defeat. ‘Lord help me, but I’m marrying a miser.’ Then, to show he wasn’t serious, he took her in his arms and kissed her, long and thoroughly.

  ‘Pamela, wipe that smile off your face and pay attention,’ Tessa commanded as she took over sorting through the various dresses. ‘Here, stand up and hold this. No, like this, silly! I’ve got to get some idea of how long it is . . . oh, barf! It’s ‘way too short. Come on, pay attention! You’re six million miles away. I’m going to take my lipstick and do you up like a clown if you don’t come back down to earth!’

  ‘Can’t I just stand here and be vacantly happy?’ Pamela protested.

  ‘Only if you put a sign up on your forehead that says “To Let,”’ Tessa said, rummaging through the pile of dresses.

  Pamela, feeling very mature at the moment, responded by sticking out her tongue. ‘You just wait until you’re getting married to Tom; then I’ll “accidentally” stick you full of pins while we get your dress right!’

  ‘What makes you think that Tom and I have anything going,’ Tessa said evasively.

  Pamela gave her a pained look.

  ‘Okay, forget I said anything. Look, this one’s . . . no, I don’t like this bow.’

  Pamela smiled, watching Tessa pick out things that all-too-obviously suited her.

  ‘Oh!’ Just like that, they exclaimed together, having found the perfect one.

  ‘I get to wear this when you’re done with it!’ Tessa breathed, too awed by the dress to realise what she’d just said.

  Pamela also was too caught up to pay any mind to Tessa’s admission. ‘How did they sew all those tiny little white beads into it? Look, this is all embroidery work . . . done by hand . . . ’

  ‘Can you reserve them?’ Tessa asked, hopefully.

  Pamela huffed. ‘I’m going to buy it so I can give it to you. These are all well used, so they won’t cost much. You know, it’s a good thing we’re not getting married on the same day, else we’d have to resort to duking it out. And it’s a darned good thing you’re hardly showing yet, or you’d never get it on over your head.’

  Tessa was silent a moment, at once looking very sad. ‘Who am I kidding? I should have waited. White is for virgins. Maybe I should look for something off-white, or red.’

  ‘A little membrane of skin is not what separates a good woman from a bad,’ Pamela told her, angry at her self-recrimination. ‘You’ve already been victimized. Don’t let David keep on hurting you, or he really will have won. You like the dress? Wear it!’

  ‘Please, you’re starting to sound like the Pep-Talk-Queen,’ Tessa said, allowing herself a small smile. ‘How’d you know about Tom and me?’

  ‘Because you really moan loud when the two of you are necking,’ Pamela said, keeping a straight face, picking up the dress and holding it up.

  ‘You cow!’

  ‘It’s true, or else you wouldn’t be so defensive. Besides, Theo and I heard him pop the question a few nights ago when the two of you were standing at the top of the stairs, just as he was leaving the office to head home. I’ve never heard you squeak quite like that before.’

  ‘I did not squeak!’

  ‘You did, too. You went like this-’ Her flawless rendition left no doubt whatsoever in Tessa’s mind.

  Tessa let out an excited sigh. ‘Well, so what if I did? Besides coming here and being with you, it’s the only thing in my life that’s ever gone right. Tom is everything I hoped would come out in David but never did. He doesn’t even mind about the baby. In fact, he’s even looking forward to it- what are you looking so odd about?’

  ‘What? Oh, nothing really. Well . . . it’s just that, this is the last day of my life when I’ll be plain old Miss Pamela Dee. I’ll have an initial for a last name that will actually stand for something. Sorry, I’m babbling. Everything’s sort of catching up with me today. I keep getting flooded with all these memories from my past. It’s like I can see it all laid out, not in any sort of order, but more like a big mirror that’s been smashed, with shards of image scattered all over the place . . .

  ‘There’s little bits and pieces from my childhood, from the orphanages, from foster care and group homes and living on the streets . . . there’s old Father Mugford and the Catholic Mission, and the old lady I used to work for at the Skylark Motor Inn, my old apartment . . .

  ‘Before I came here, that was my life. Now it doesn’t seem real anymore. You know, when I first got here, I was afraid that this was all a dream, that one day I was going to wake up and find myself back in my old apartment, about to be evicted. But just this last while, it feels like it’s exactly the other way around, as though my life before was the dream, and t
his is the reality. I don’t know. Am I making any sense?’

  ‘Did you know the end of your nose twitches when you talk? No wonder Theo fell in love with you. You’re his little bunny rabbit.

  ‘Of course I know exactly what you’re talking about! How do you think it is for me now that I’m here?’

  ‘Tom must love the way your nostrils flare,’ Pamela jibed.

  ‘They do not!’

  ‘You want me to get a mirror and show you?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘I’ve got one right here.’

  ‘Get lost! I’ll take your word for it. Here, hurry up and try this dress on before I decide to steal it.’

  That evening, as the household and guests sat down to supper in the seldom-used banquet room, Pamela felt as though her belly was fully of butterflies. Theo and she would not be sleeping together tonight. She would instead be sleeping with Tessa, safe from temptation. ‘We made it this far,’ Theo had told her. ‘Let’s not fall down at the last moment.’

  He was right, of course. The temptation had almost become too much to bear. But she knew she wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep- Tessa was almost as keyed up as she was. Oh, tomorrow looked like it was going to be a long day. She was probably going to fall asleep on her wedding night!

  ‘What’s the big rush?’ she told herself. ‘We’ll have out entire lives ahead of us.’

  The banquet room, Pamela realized, was actually the main dining room, judging by the way the kitchen opened into it. She had wondered for a long time what lay in this part of the house- when facing the mansion from the rear, the kitchen lay on the far right, the banquet room extending to the left to a point just past the middle. Beyond were more rooms she had never explored, that had been under lock and key (so she had been told) for almost two decades. But the present occupants of the house weren’t exactly wealthy leisure-class who spent all their time pursuing various diversions. At one time, Mrs. Dewhurst had told her, there had been a gun room full of weapons and trophies (a euphemism for endangered species that had been shot dead to appease some ancient relative’s blood-lust), a room full of priceless art objects that had been pillaged from various “primitive” cultures, and other rooms which were filled with relics of the old colonial days.

  Now, the rooms lay empty, and Pamela had the growing feeling that they were somehow expectant, awaiting the day when fresh life would be breathed into them, when the laughter of children would displace the self-righteous ghosts of another era, when the light of a new day would chase the dark shadows of corrupt brooding away for good- corrupt because such brooding was the remorse of a former slave-owner for the “good-old-days.” And like the old mansion, Pamela felt at last that her time of waiting was almost over.

  It was a fun evening, the best she could ever remember. After supper, a huge, old upright piano, very much out of tune but still possessed of a good tone, was prevailed upon by a succession of would-be entertainers who, accompanied by a fairly good violinist, led them in song after song, and had them dancing to old-fashioned polkas, waltzes, two-steps and a dozen other kinds of dance that Pamela soon lost track of.

  To her surprise and pleased awe, Theo turned out to be an excellent dancer. She herself knew little about polkas or the fast-paced Viennese waltz, but with Theo leading it seemed she was soon flying effortlessly, flushed with pleasure and exertion.

  She wanted more than anything to remain at his side, having his company all to herself, but this was not to be. A host of relatives and introductions got in the way, though pleasantly, and many of the women wanted a chance to dance with Theo. Pamela had equal opportunity to meet with his male relatives, of course, and there wasn’t a one of them who didn’t seem a decent, fun-loving sort.

  Mrs. Dewhurst, she noticed, spent the entire evening dancing and speaking with the Chief Inspector and a few of their mutual friends, who sat off to one corner. Tessa sat out most of the time, she and Tom consumed with one another, a fact that made Pamela feel as good as anything else that happened that magical night.

  Sometime during the festivities there was a brilliant flash of light from outside, followed by a deafening peal of thunder. Soon it began to rain, and what began with the patter of hail became a succession of cloudbursts, which eventually evened out into an unremitting downpour. Soon after, a succession of CID people began coming in through the staff dining room door to get out of the rain.

  That seemed to signal the end of the festivities, and so the party began to disperse. Pamela looked around for Theo, but he was nowhere to be found. She noticed that the Chief Inspector seemed concerned about something, and was leaving. Wanting to know what was going on, she caught up with him.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Oh . . . don’t like this weather much,’ he said evasively. ‘Can’t see a damned thing. Our agents keep losing each other in this muck.’

  ‘Have you seen Theo?’ she asked him.

  ‘He’s about,’ he rejoined in his “You’re just a woman, and a young one to boot, so don’t ask me” tone of voice.

  ‘Pamela,’ came Mrs. Dewhurst’s voice, in her “Leave the men alone to do their job” tone of voice, ‘isn’t it time you and Tessa thought about going to bed? Tom left a few minutes ago, as did a good many of the guests, and it’s getting late.’

  ‘Yes, Mum,’ she replied, trying to sound contrite, and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’ll go to bed now like a good little girl.’

  ‘Oh, stop that! You know I can’t stand obsequious behaviour. Besides, it doesn’t suit you in the least! Now go, run along. We can’t have the bride trying to face the day yawning, with dark circles under her eyes. Or the groom either. Robert, where has my son got himself to?’

  When Mrs. Dewhurst received the same non-answer Pamela had got, she and Pamela shared a look. ‘I suppose I shall have to take my own advice,’ she said to Pamela. ‘Men!’ She rolled her eyes in mock-exasperation.

  ‘All the same,’ Pamela told her, ‘it worries me that they’re worried about something. I don’t know why, but I find that’s worse than their male chauvinism,’ she finished loudly, evoking a laugh from Mrs. Dewhurst.

  ‘Shush, my dear, you mustn’t let them know we’re on to them, or it will spoil all the fun! Come, have a glass of wine or two with me. You’re too tensed up to sleep, I can tell. Lord knows I could use a nightcap myself. I haven’t had this much excitement since . . . since . . . oh, my, it has been far too long!’

  They went to the downstairs sitting-room. Pamela moved to get the wine but Mrs. Dewhurst headed her off.

  ‘Don’t you dare deprive me of the pleasure of serving my future daughter-in-law!’ She took a long, fond look at Pamela before pouring them both a very generous glass of wine. ‘You’ve changed so much since you first came here,’ she said when they were seated. ‘I never dared hope that you would one day fulfill my wildest dream.’

  ‘What, that I would marry Theo?’ Pamela asked, thinking she knew what Mrs. Dewhurst meant.

  Smiling wryly, slowly shaking her head, her eyes full of the knowledge of some unspoken mystery, Mrs. Dewhurst said, ‘I didn’t plan that.’

  ‘What? But I thought . . . ? Why did you bring me here, then?’

  ‘If you must know . . . ’ Mrs. Dewhurst stopped herself briefly, watching Pamela’s reaction very carefully, as though she had waited a long time to make this admission, but still wasn’t entirely sure about how or whether she should make it.

  Pamela swallowed, wondering what was coming.

  ‘I had planned to adopt you,’ she said into Pamela’s chagrined silence. ‘That was my original intent. It’s a good thing I didn’t, or things would have ended up a real mess all round.’

  It had been weeks since Pamela had had reason to cry, but she wept now as she never had before, kneeling before Mrs. Dewhurst and burying her face in the woman’s lap. ‘Oh, Pamela, my dear, sweet little girl,’ she said quietly through her own tears, ‘I loved you from the first moment I saw you, standing on the kerb like an abandoned
little waif, afraid to soil the upholstery of my car. I had been so lonely myself, and I was long past daring to hope that anything could ever break up the ice that sealed Theo’s heart from the rest of the world. For years we had been living in this house like a pair of strangers- believe it or not, Dewhurst Mansion was not a happy home; not until you came along, with your innocence and your magic, and the half-starved love in you that was so desperate to get out . . .’

  So that’s what Theo had meant when Mrs. Dewhurst had threatened to disown him. She had really meant it, and he very probably really had hated the little usurper who threatened his complacency, if not his inheritance.

  ‘Only a miracle,’ she thought to herself over and over, ‘only a miracle could have brought the two of us together.’

  After composing herself and sharing some wine, Pamela suddenly felt as though she could sleep after all. She said her goodnights and went upstairs to join Tessa. When she got to the bedroom door, she noticed that Tessa had gone to bed, that the light was off. Opening the door as silently as possible, shutting it and moving towards the bed, she got undressed in the dark to avoid waking her friend. The air was cold and damp- someone, probably Tessa, had left a window open. Outside, the sound of the incessant downpour was very loud, like a dirge.

  Pamela sighed to herself, feeling more relaxed and content than ever. Oh, she would sleep well tonight! Her mind was as tired as her body, and it still reeled as though she were still dancing in Theo’s arms, and a hundred images of the day’s activities flickered in the background of her thoughts, right alongside myriad images of what was to come tomorrow.

  Pamela crawled into bed, disturbing Tessa only briefly. Her friend made a few sleep noises and was soon silent once more. Pamela got comfortable, the hiss of the rain causing her to begin that delicious, tired fall into blessed sleep.

  But for some reason sleep eluded her. She felt as though she had forgotten something. But what? ‘To close the window, silly,’ she told herself, too comfortable to get out of bed and do anything about it. Once again she tried to plunge herself into a deep, untroubled sleep.